Dear HowFreshIsThisGuy.com Investor,

I am proud to announce the latest interim revision of How Fresh Is This Guy, version 0.2a, currently world-readable at:

http://howfreshisthisguy.com/
(click on the logo to reFRESH)
My happiness, however, is tempered with some frustration; we are falling behind our aggressive schedule. Nevertheless, I hope to offer you a fully functional v1.0 product by mid-Q4 2000 (fiscal). The 1.0 release will feature substantial improvements in performance and look-and-feel, and a suite of new functionality, including:
  • Automated user submission of FreshGuys™
  • User rating of submitted FreshGuys™, using ActiveChoice™ Technology
  • Database of FreshGuys™, searchable by submitter, submission date, ActiveChoice™ Freshness Rating®, and category.
    • Some categories:
      • Fresh Old Guys
      • Fresh Facial Hair
      • Famous Fresh Guys
      • Historical Fresh Guys
      • Fresh World Leaders
  • Dynamically-generated FreshFrontFreshPage™
  • "On Freshness," a mission statement-cum-treatise on the poetics of freshness that will set the tone for the serious discussion of aesthetic and political concerns that the site will undoubtedly provoke. What are the consequences of the quantification of freshness?
Version 2.0, currently scheduled for release just in time for Christmas, will include the following additional features:
  • FreshForum™ - an online community in which users can debate the relative freshness of their favorite FreshGuys and discuss the nature of Freshness itself.
  • F-Commerce - What price freshness?
  • FreshGuyDuJour® - users subscribe to a service which sends FreshGuys™ to their e-mail addresses right on their Home Computers EVERY DAY.
  • FreshTacTivities© - Every time a user votes for a FreshGuy, a mild electric shock is applied to someone he's never met. The higher the rating, the bigger the shock! (Requires registration)
  • howfreshisthisguy.fi - Suomeksi! (deal pending)
Business plan: to monetize usership through
  1. Advertising, in the forms of banners, buttons, sponsorships, co-branding, partnerships, link exchanges, membership fees, extortion, bribes, kickbacks, and mafia payoffs.
  2. Aggregation of user demographics, sale of said data for the purposes of direct marketing, solicitation, federal entrapment, white slavery.
[Ed. -- remember to omit above passage from publicly distributed documents!]

As you can see, we have our work cut out for us! Thanks to all who submitted fresh guys -- we couldn't have done it without you!

Regards,
David M. Sollors
How Fresh Is This Guy, Ltd.

Nothing fresh in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.
--G. W. F. Hegel

Be not afraid of freshness: some are born fresh, some achieve freshness, and some have freshness thrust upon them.
--William Shakespeare